it's ok to not like something

let's bring thoughtful criticism back

I have a more complex piece that I am writing about unraveling and folding as relates to my art-life… but in the meantime I figured I would write a little bit about how important it is to not like everything AND to be able to talk about it.

I started to think about this in 2022, when Richard Foreman let me bring a 30-person gaggle into his loft to have a conversation. The elevator was small, so I had to send 2-3 people up at a time while everyone else waited on Wooster Street. I sent people up in a way that would feel like a nice growing pile. At least in my mind. People would wander in, Richard would ask people about themselves, more people would wander in and so on until everyone was there. Then he asked us all to talk about a piece of art that we had experienced lately that we liked. A book, a movie, a song… even a play! Everyone found this to be easy.

Then, he asked us to share something we hated.

SILENCE.

I think Richard said something like, “Oh come onnnnnn!”

Hesitantly, I raised my hand and shared something I hated. I did not want to go first because I had set the whole thing up and it felt rude. But nobody was going for it and there are plenty of things I hate!

Listen, I talk about things I love all the time. That is part of being a curator. That is part of being an advocate for artists. It is part of being an artist! I love what I love and it is equal parts ridiculous trash and exquisite virtuosity. But my opinions go all ways (much like me) and they are my little precious opinions, based on my experiences, tastes and desires!

Also, there is a lotta room between love and hate. And that is where the conversation lies - between the big statements.

When I was younger, I felt like it was intellectually grand to be harsh in criticism. (I wonder where I got that from…?)

Over time, my ideas of intelligence evolved and my understanding of criticism expanded. I have certainly allowed myself to be kinder and softer over the years, largely because I no longer aspire to “an intellectual cold remove” (ooooh that used to make me so horny) and I am no longer thirsty for approval or validation (though we all want to be loved, as Richard admitted to me way way back when). Working in art spaces and curation has also allowed me to expand my perception about WHY people are making the things they are making, which allows me to enjoy things even if I do not like them. (I also love getting to talk about WHY I give something a high or low score while curating.) And working in voice over for 15 years has given me the non-stop practice of responding critically in a way that is not shitty. If you want to have a good time and get the performance you need in order to get paid, you gotta be honest AND kind.

But! I cannot help but observe that the general vibe these days is - Do not be critical. It hurts feelings. It is unfair.

Gahhhhhh! This is essentially telling people to not have opinions. Which means that their reasons for liking things also get dulled down. Which also means the art gets dulled down. We gotta have opinions and we gotta be in the practice of sharing them, otherwise all art will smooth out into boring digestible shit that everyone wants and understands in the same pretty way.

In really examining our likes, dislikes, gut reactions, collective responses, standing ovations and agitations we will learn more about ourselves all of the time. We will have to wonder - “why is that thing not for me?”. We will have to be honest with our friends and occasionally tip our hats to people we don’t like. We will return to taking risks and having spicy conversations.

Having opinions is not the same as being an asshole.

PS - I also love to be wrong! I have said many times that I hate serious clown stuff, one person shows and plays about (straight) people falling in love. And, generally, that is true! But, I am still open to going to things that fit those descriptions and deciding for myself, each and every time.

PPS - This was inspired by a zoom conversation I had today. I love being inspired by conversations.

***Photo credit me as Blake taken by Kyle Turner at The Leads aka Glengarry Glen Faggot by Jesse Morgan Young and Matthew Sherbach and directed by Charles Quittner at LifeWorld (Nov 2025)